Christmas At Plum Creek (Season 1, Episode 15)

Laura has a pony, which for some reason she's allowing Nellie Oleson to ride. Now I don't have a mortal enemy (or a horse), but that whole scenario seems kinda loopy.

And, uh, speaking of "loopy"...

What kind of hat is that?? I do all sorts of yarncraft, and I've never even seen it suggested that anyone wear anything like that on one's head.

And look, it has a giant crazy medallion-shaped bow fastener on it! What the hell is the deal with this hat? It's an ideal example of the "old lady/doily/cake-on-the-head" hat. Well, I've gotta stop fixating on Laura's cold weather accessories and get on with the episode, I guess. But it won't be easy... I can't get over that damn hat!

Nellie wants the pony. She starts in on Nels to buy it for her, but Laura says it's not for sale. Nellie heckles Laura because she doesn't even have a saddle.That doesn't last long though, because Nels manhandles Nellie to get inside the mercantile, and then continues hanging festive construction paper chains.

I gotta say: I really like Nels's outfit here. The rarely seen ensemble of "three piece suit + apron", for that extra touch of holiday class.

Back at the little house, Pa explains Christmas to Carrie. You know, the star and Jesus in the manger and all that.

Later that night, Laura and Mary are in bed counting their savings.

They can't think of anything special to get for Ma and Pa this Christmas, their first one in the little house at Plum Creek. But one thing is sure: the amount of money they've got to work with ain't gonna do it.

Downstairs (oy - down...ladder??) Pa is counting his secret stash of coins hidden in his fiddle case, and Ma sneaks a peek into her hiding spot in the baking soda can (or something).

The next day while doing laundry, Mary asks Ma what Pa would like for Christmas. Ma says something special would have to be homemade. My first thought is: "Naw, that sucks", but Mary is struck with inspiration.

The Ingalls family takes a trip to the mercantile, which is totally decked out holiday-style.

See? Mary has one of those stinkin' hats, too. OMG. It's too distracting. I can't focus.

The Ingallses slink around the mercantile like a family of spies, each one trying to get an idea of what everyone else is interested in. Mary checks out the yardgoods - plain and fancy. Ma prefers the woodstove. But it's $7.87. Way too much... waaaaay too much. And who doesn't remember Carrie loving the Jesus star?

Ma goes over and starts handling the same yardgoods that Mary just looked at, a masculine plaid print. Uh oh, I don't like where this is going. BACK OFF, MA! For your own good!!!!

Mary and Laura go wait outside while Ma and Pa finish up. And one more hat shot. I love how Mary's is all sticking up like some kind of two-tone wintertime mane.

Inside, Pa and Nels make a deal that Pa will become a wheelwright and build four wagon wheels for Nels to make some extra Christmas money.

I guess the next day, Mary comes in after school and wants to play a guessing game with Ma. Ma despises guessing games, and shuts Mary's "I bet you can't guess" down with a quick: "You're right, dear, I can't." Pa comes in, and Mary asks permission to go work with Mrs. Whipple, the seamstress. "I sewed her I can show!"

The next day, Laura wants to ride Bunny into town while the rest of the family goes in the buggy. Pa asks if she's doing it to make Nellie Oleson jealous. Well, that's not the only reason. Pa decides that no commandments are being broken, so Laura can go for it. Yeah, forcing someone else to covet isn't nice, but it isn't illegal.

In town, Mary takes off to Mrs. Whipple's to start working. The Whipp has a man-sized shirt on her dressmaker's mannequin. It's going to be Pa's Christmas gift from Mary.

Meanwhile, Ma goes into the mercantile first, alone, to buy the yardgoods to make a shirt for Pa. She chooses the identical fabric that Mary is already using, natch. What a disaster.

Laura goes into the mercantile next, and whispers a deal to Nels.

It's time for the obligatory montage of everyone doing their Christmas thang. Ma works on Pa's shirt, Mary works on Pa's other shirt, Pa makes wheels, and Laura casts on some knitting.

If Laura's, like, 7 and can do decent looking stuff like this, then who the hell was responsible for those hats? It's not like there's some out-of-style grandparent or aunt giving them hideous clothing every holiday.

Meanwhile, Carrie has found a penny among her possessions, so Laura takes her to the mercantile to spend it. Nels is practicing good customer service in the flannel shirt department with Mrs. Foster when the girls arrive. He leaves Mrs. F alone for 2 seconds to help Carrie, and Mrs. F takes off saying she can find better stuff in Mankato.

Soon after, Pa delivers the wheels to Nels. Man, he can't even get a second of relief from this family. Pa wants to put his wheel money toward the woodstove. Aha, but Pa wasn't the only Ingalls who noticed Ma had been admiring it. Nels hedges. He says it's sold. He desperately tries to sell Pa something, anything. An imported clock. A knickknack stand. That would set off the house real well. Yeah... no.

Pa rips the picture of the stove right out of the catalogue, so he can put it on the tree.

Suddenly, Pa is on snowshoes in a snowy field with his gun. This snow looks pretty legit. Not like the massive snowfall in that blizzard episode where Miss Beadle sends all those kids out early to their untimely deaths. Or like 90% of all the snow on Little House on the Prairie, which usually looks fake as hell. I've got some magazine-type books from the 70s and apparently the worst thing about being an actor on this show was wearing the wardrobe in the California heat. And, like, pretending it was winter while your face was melting off.

Pa makes it back from his hunting trip with a fine Christmas turkey.

The girls dance while Pa fiddles until they're interrupted by a Christmas delivery from Nels Oleson. Of course, Pa thinks the giant box is the stove (yes) that he ordered (no).

On Christmas morning, everyone opens presents. Pa opens the scarf Laura knitted. There's gingerbread for Jack from Santa. Mary got a fur capelet. Carrie has a new beaded necklace. Mary pre-threatens Pa as he's about to open her gift: "You better like it because I made it."

Pa holds up his shirt, and Ma incredulously checks under the tree to see if her gift to Pa is still there. Two matching shirts? It can't be. Ma secretly takes her parcel and hides it.

Now, the famous Gift of the Magi scene. Pa made Laura a saddle. But... she's sold her horse to Oleson for money to get the stove for Ma. God, it just makes you want to die. Laura hugs Pa with tears in her eyes and the whole family is still none the wiser about what she's done.

Ma can't wait any longer, and starts busting into the giant box with a hammer.

"Oh! It's a stove!" From Laura??

Right then, the Olesons show up to collect Bunny, the horse. Um, shock to Ma and Pa. Ma is devastated that Laura sold her beloved animal just to buy a Christmas gift. Laura tearfully hands over the pony, then goes back inside where she tells Pa she's so sorry about all the work he did on the saddle.

There's one gift left for Pa to open. It's the star that Carrie bought. They put it on top of the tree. "Happy birthday, baby Jesus!"

The Lord Is My Shepherd, Part 2 (Season 1, Episode 14)

The little house is dark and quiet, except for Laura writing a letter. She had mean thoughts that caused or contributed to little Freddie's death, but she knows how to make it better. After placing her note on the mantel and petting Jack, Laura leaves the house.

In the morning, Pa wakes Ma with: "It's Monday and I'm starving!" She's probably still grieving, because wasn't the little guy's funeral, like, yesterday? So you *may* wanna lay off. Just sayin'. But we know Charles Ingalls is never gonna lay off, and I'm never gonna really get angry about it. Damn your handsome face, Pa Ingalls!

The family thinks Laura is outside doing chores until Ma spots the note.

Pa questions the "mean thoughts" part of the letter, but luckily they still have Mary around to cry and tattle.

Ever notice how Pa always seems to viciously interrogate Mary? It happened in the Mr. Edward's Homecoming episode: "What did you LEARN IN SUNDAY SCHOOL??" And The Racoon. Mary did an identical cry when the raccoon bit Jack (and Laura). Mary lets it all out about how Laura felt like the new baby was taking her place as Pa's favourite.

In town, Pa borrows a horse from Hans Dorfler. What the hell was wrong with his own horses? Unless he just doesn't want Edwards's lard body taking a ride. Or else he knows in advance that the horses are gonna be climbing a mountain like no mountain the prairies have ever seen...

Pa and Edwards take off, traveling through field and fountain, moor and mountain looking for Laura.

Meanwhile, Laura has spotted the spot that is the closest to God.




After Laura climbs up the mountain, she outlines her deal to God. God had a son, maybe he wants a girl, too. Laura will go be with Him, and Freddie can come back to be with Pa. She covers herself with her coat, and lays down to wait for God's answer.

She is soon disturbed by the voice of Jonathan.


Jonathan starts talking about his generically referenced friend, Him. Laura figures out eventually that he's talking about God. Jonathan knows God. OMG.

Pa and Edwards keep looking. Jonathan makes an engraved cross for Laura.

After that, Jonathan is oddly eager for Laura to take a bath. I'm sure it's meant innocently, but the whole ear-scrubbing thing made me uncomfortable when I was 10, and it makes me uncomfortable now. "Rub 'em! Yeah, rub 'em! Rub 'em HARD!"

Laura rubs a little too vigorously, I guess, because her cross necklace comes off and floats down the river. She starts freaking out, but Jonathan knows the art of child distraction and gives her a hurt bird to take care of.

Pa and Edwards have returned to the little house to get provisions for an overnight search. Carrie asks if Laura went away with her brother. Ma runs from the room in tears... to the other room 4.5 feet away.

At night, Laura tells Jonathan that she wants to switch places with her dead brother, and she is seriously ready to die. . He tells her that everyone has mean thoughts. Laura says: "Not my ma and pa." Say what?

Ma has certainly had mean thoughts about Mrs. Oleson, probably daily. And Mr. Oleson, when she thought he was ripping Mary off. And she constantly hates Mr. Edwards.

And PA! Pa was pretty mean about Johnny Johnson's interest in Mary. And that was verbal! I don't even wanna know what else he was thinking! What about Pa and the guy who repo'd the oxen? Or Pa and, like, EVERYONE in Walnut Grove because of the church bell? Pa was definitely thinking mean shit about all of those jerks. Oh, and Olga's dad who wouldn't let Pa fix her shoe, so Pa fought him... jeez, Laura, don't be so naive. Your parents get diabolically angry ALL THE FRIGGIN' TIME.

Pa and Edwards are still looking. Pa stops to fill the canteens and Laura's missing cross washes up at his feet.

Upon realizing what he's holding, Pa yells: "EDWARDS!" at top volume times a million, even though Edwards is only 7 steps away.

Laura thinks God has forsaken her and that she needs to go higher to get even closer to God. Jonathan suggests building a bonfire. God's not gonna be able to miss it when the entire mountain turns into what Smokey the Bear has been warning everyone about.

The smoke catches Edwards's attention, and they take off toward the mountain.


The horses make REALLY good time. Friggin' 'roid horses or something. I guess Hans Dorfler is the go-to guy for stuff like that. It's still daylight when they reach Laura, who is praying on a rock cliff. She spots them before they see her, and she runs away to hide. She wants an answer from God before Pa finds her.

Jonathan explains that things are just as God wants. Pa runs up the last hill to where Laura is.

Even Edwards is losing it in the background. During the reunion, Jonathan disappeared. The only trace of him is the sturdy shelter he's constructed on the mountaintop and the cross he made, which lead Pa to Laura.

The Lord Is My Shepherd, Part 1 (Season 1, Episode 13)

Pa bugs Ma for not eating and being too thin. Well, enjoy it now, Chuck, cuz it ain't gonna last. Ma is - how would they say it back then? - with child.

Charles needs make sure that everyone in Walnut Grove knows how excited he is about the baby. And by 'baby', I mean the boy male son that Caroline is certainly carrying. Charles also prepares for the baby by constructing the world's biggest crib. Where the hell is that gonna fit in the little house?

The more apparent it becomes that Pa really really really wants a boy this time, the more Laura tries to compensate for, like, not being a boy. She beat Johnny Johnson at some old-fashioned recess game and he called her a tomboy! That's almost like being a boy. Yeah, except not. Sorry, Laura. You fail.

Nine months pass at warp speed, until one morning after Ma sends the girls off to school. She holds her stomach joyously and tells Pa to send for the mid-widow Grace Snider.

Later in the day, the girls and Pa wait in the loft, while Ma and Grace work on the birthing. Then, suddenly - a baby's cry! It's the boy that Pa wanted!

The girls peek around the quilt door to see the new baby.

Already Laura is less excited than the others. Carrie says: "Carrie's dolly!" but Pa shoots that idea down quickly and sternly: "No, Carrie. That is my son. Charles Ingalls, Jr."

The baby will be baptized on Sunday, Pa tells Nels Oleson at the mercantile, while completely ignoring Laura's exhibition of flour-sack carrying strength. Pay attention, Pa, cuz I'm pretty sure that's something a boy would do. To make matters worse, Nels starts going on about how awesome a son is. Yeah, like he would know. Willie, ha! Everything a man could want? Keep wishing, Nels. And jeez, Laura is right there! Make her feel like shit, why don't ya?

It's baptism day, and the church has a celebratory picnic. Harriet Oleson approaches Ma, pretending to want a look at the baby... but REALLY wanting to dis' Ma. Four kids now, eh? Country wives are kinda like brood mares. Harriet says,"In my case, Nellie and Willie are more than enough." Ma snarkily agrees. Burn!

Mr. Edwards buys popcorn for the girls to celebrate their new brother. He's started calling the baby 'Freddie', for his middle name, Frederick. Ma hates it.

Doc Baker comes by to check on Freddie. He's not gaining weight. It's probably something to do with Ma's milk, so he gives her some other stuff to try. Ma pays him in eggs, which she feels silly doing because Doc Baker gave them the chickens. Continuity for the win!

Laura comes home from school and shows Pa a map of Walnut Grove that she made. But OMG - Freddie is drinking from a bottle! Can't miss that. Pa immediately runs into the bedroom, ignoring the hell out of Laura. Laura walks away sadly, rejected, and tosses her map into Plum Creek.

That night Mary prays for God to make Freddie strong. And Laura kind of doesn't. Mary threatens to tattle to Ma and Pa that Laura didn't pray for Freddie. Yeah, well, Laura prayed for a sister and God didn't listen, so now she don't even care.

Doc Baker comes back to the house with bad news. Freddie still isn't gaining weight. He's seen it before and there's nothing he can do.

Sometimes a country doctor feels so useless! The Ingallses just cannot depend on this guy when it comes to babies. Good thing Mary and Laura were born out of state. Ma and Pa leave the girls with Grace Snider, and take Freddie to Mankato. Freddie dies in the hospital, and Ma and Pa return home alone. Mary cries, and Laura runs off, and I bet this whole scene is pretty awkward for Grace Snider.

Next Sunday, the family attends church. It's time for another Alden sermon: "It isn't enough to say 'I'm sorry, Lord', and then continue your sins until the following Sunday." But you can work together with the Lord and all things will be possible. "Remember I said ALL THINGS."

Laura has been wracked with guilt over not praying for Freddie, so she stays after church to talk to the Rev. She has a question. Alden is pleased that Laura paid attention to his sermon, because so many people don't. Yeah, get over it, Alden. Stop scaring the child. Laura wants to know how to get a miracle. Well, "The closer you are to God, the more likely he is to listen."

The Award (Season 1, Episode 12)

'What is this titular "award"?' is a question I'm sure anyone reading this will be asking herself. Lemme fill you in, Miss-Beadle-Brings-Da-Damn-Drama style:

And it's not even abridged! Q: So, how does one get in on possibly winning this award? A: A very comprehensive test will take place in three weeks. The student with the best grade will be awarded this very fine dictionary.

Mary starts studying like a child obsessed. She even borrows a classy-looking American history textbook from Miss Beadle's personal collection. Day and night, Mary studies. One Friday evening, Mary's lamplight annoys Laura late into the night. Mary pretends to go to bed, only to sneak out to the barn to keep reading after Laura falls back to sleep.

What's Rule #1 of being an Ingalls kid? Come on, guys, chime in. No, not "cash on the barrel", but that's a good one. No matches. That's right!

Mary falls asleep, slumping sideways over Miss Beadle's fancy book. She stretches her legs and - oh no! She's kicked over the lantern! Fire everywhere!

Ma runs outside to get the animals out of the barn, while Mary and Laura bring buckets of water. Once the crisis is handled, Mary confesses that it's her fault that the barn caught fire.

Ma's heard enough. Mary can forget that examination! She is to tell Miss Beadle that she won't be participating tomorrow at school. I don't remember Laura ever being so lippy - maybe it's because Pa's in Mankato on official Hansen mill business and she thinks she can get away with it - but she starts heckling Ma because "tomorrow is Saturday".

In the morning, Mary rakes up the burnt hay - and finds Miss Beadle's history book, burnt to death, under the rubble! OH NO!

After church on Sunday, Ma stays to talk to the Rev. She lost her temper with Mary. And she NEVER loses her temper. She regrets saying that Mary can't take the examination. Rev Alden uses his manipulative authority to convince Ma that, yeah, Mary coulda died. But she didn't. By being alive, she can still be punished! Punish-ment! Punish-ment! Alden's kinda psycho. He's sure that if Ma took back the punishment, then she would be a joke to her children for the rest of forever and they'd never take her seriously again. Cuzz Alden watches a lot of Supernanny.

Monday morning Mary is still depressed about the test. Laura takes her into the mercantile to split a penny's worth of licorice. Laura still owes Mary half a penny from when Mary bought the slate pencil on the first day of school. Continuity!

Nels Oleson has a HELP WANTED sign up. Nellie can't help out in the store until after the test. I thought Nellie just heckled poor customers and ate jawbreakers whenever she was in the shop. I don't call that working. Oh well. Mary wants the job, and Nels agrees as long as Ma says it's all right.

It's OK by Ma, so Mary starts work the next day after school. Miss Beadle comes in for a pound of white sugar, and starts harassing Mary. Like threateningly: "When do you study? When do you find time to study? You haven't answered my question yet." Mary starts using her work time to read the schoolbooks for sale in the mercantile.

Mary plans to disobey Ma and take the test, so she can avoid telling the Bead that her history book got cremated. By the time the test is over, Mary will have her mercantile money and be able to buy a new copy.

Now it's montage time! Mary works, and does chores, and studies in an endless cycle of time. Mary gets paid the day before the test and buys the history book to replace Miss Beadle's. Ma finds Mary's leftover 50¢ piece from the mercantile, and, unaware that Mary had already spent $1 on the textbook, thinks that Nels Oleson is running some kind of rip-off operation.

It's also test day. Mary is at rest, like a test-taking machine, while Laura badgers her: "Aren't you coming?" as the non-test-taking students leave the classroom.

Ma decides to take the eggs into town to sell at the mercantile, and slip some derogatory remarks about Nels's cheapskate character in at the same time. Nels doesn't take the bait, which he easily could have. If I were him, I would called for Harriet and had her lay Ma out with a hard right hand, but whatev.

After leaving the mercantile, Ma notices Laura sitting on the school steps while the other kids enjoy recess. She asks where Mary is, and Laura tells her. Ma storms up the stairs. Ma, no. This will embarrass Mary in front of all the smart, promising kids in the class! It's gonna be hard enough on her when she needs to get glasses soon! Don't make it worse!

Ma looks into the classroom, unnoticed, and sees Mary writing on her test paper. She quietly leaves, saying nothing to Laura as she passes her on the way out.

So, the test has been graded, and Miss Beadle is about to announce the winner. Here's the deal: like 20 girls took the test. And one guy. Who won the very fine dictionary, pictured at the top of this post? Arnold whoever. Niiiice. Mary runs from the classroom.

Miss Beadle tells Laura to stay after class. She drives Laura home in her buggy. Ma comes out to meet them. Miss Beadle shows Ma Mary's test, which is a note to Miss Beadle saying that she can't take the test. Aw, Ma is so proud. But - where is Mary?

Laura watches Carrie at home, while Ma looks for Mary. She finds her in a field, and they run toward each other and hug.

That's kinda cheesy, even for Little House on the Prairie.

And, to make up for no Pa in this one, here's a delicious picture:

Yeeeah.