The Love of Johnny Johnson (Season 1, Ep. 5)

We open on Laura, momentarily mesmerized by the new boy, before she snaps out of it to engage in some proper tomboy hat-stealing. New boy Johnny Johnson compliments Laura on her running. She's pretty good... for a girl. Oh, Johnny Johnson, in 2008, your pills would be destroyed in my feminist fist.


Willie Oleson also hates Johnny Johnson, mainly because he looks like a scarecrow in somebody's garden. I dunno about all that, but he's not my style of dreamboat, fo' sho'. Check out the reactions of the students when Johnny Johnson arrives in class.


Laura likes him, though, so she invites him to walk home with her and Mary. They pause for some rock-throwing, which Mary sucks at. Johnny (I wanna keep calling him Johnny Johnson - maybe I will) encourages Mary by telling her "you never know when you'll have to hit a varmint". That is pretty good motivation when you're living in the sticks.

Laura is head over heel for Johnny Johnson. She asks Ma if Ma and Pa were in love from the very start. Well, this Johnny Johnson is no Pa, I can tell you that. He's downright homely compared to Pa. Pa is a good looking man. Johnny Johnson is a scarecrow. It's been confirmed by independent sources.

The next day at school, Mary wins the class spelling bee, impressing Johnny Johnson. The next afternoon, he shows up at the little house, which sends Laura running to the loft to spit-smooth her hair in the mirror before coming down to see why he's there. Unfortunately, he only wants Mary to tutor him, and wants nothing to do with little Laura.

The next day, Laura comes up with an elaborate scheme of falling into the creek first thing in the morning, soaking her dress. Uh oh, now she's gonna have to wear her Sunday dress and ribbons and look all pretty for Johnny Johnson. Ma shows up at school during lunch hour to talk to Miss Beadle. "Boystruck... Johnny Johnson?" Ma whispers to Miss Beadle. Haha, I love concerned Ma.

That night at home, Laura tells Mary straight up how lame it is that instead of Mary sticking up for herself against the schoolyard boys, she yells and makes a scene so Johnny will take notice. I guess this is as far as 1870s sister-fights go: "You're two-faced, Mary Ingalls... shut up!!" But that's far enough. Ma won't hear any of it, and Laura runs to the loft.

Ma follows her and tells her that growing up is painful and all that. Well, it's about to get worse. The next day at school, Johnny asks Laura to meet him at the sweetheart tree after class. Of course, this gets Laura's hopes up... until Johnny reveals his olden days graffiti.

Mary is outraged. She doesn't even like him! Mary even gets MEAN, saying that poor, unattractive Johnny does look like a scarecrow and calling him a numbskull. Now Pa's concerned, because Johnny's 15 years old. Fifteen year old boys and his little daughters? Pa don't think so. Sadly for us, Pa doesn't get his pinwheeling fists in action, as much as I would have enjoyed it.

Laura learns to get over her heartache, with a little talk from Pa to help. He tells her, "Someday you'll have lots of beaux, sweet thing." Which isn't even really true, but whatev.

"Oh, Pa." And we never [EDIT: 'rarely'] have to see Johnny Johnson again.